Are People Who Don’t Have Children Discriminated Against at Work?

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June 20, 2011
By Diana Antholis
90 Comments

Most of the reading I’ve done on the topic of work/life balance is primarily focused on people with children. Parents struggle to fit in time with their children because of their work schedules. They can’t find babysitters, don’t have family nearby, or don’t believe in daycare. Whatever the reason for needing flexibility because of children, parents are continually stressed and fight for a work environment that is conducive to their children’s schedules.

I completely understand that mothers and fathers with children are juggling a lot, but what about everyone else who isn’t a parent? Or those who choose not to be parents?

When I started my first full-time job at age 22, I immediately noticed my work/life scale slowly and then rapidly tip to one side – the work side. Extra hours in the evening to finish projects, working weekends, or working from home seemed to become commonplace. “Normal” working hours seemed to disappear — at least for the employees without children.

But the thing is, people without children have family lives too, and they want to see those loved ones. Often this involves some travel and isn’t as convenient as walking through your front door every evening.

I have noticed that people without children tend to get discriminated against at work. People think: What do they have to be home for? They don’t have a husband/wife or a child. It feels like someone is saying, “Your life isn’t as important.”

I have seen parents make their own schedules or slip out early with no consequences. When people without families try to do that, it is regarded as unacceptable. Just because workers without children aren’t necessarily seeing to family after work, it doesn’t mean their choices shouldn’t be honored or seen as important.

If they want to leave on time because they signed up for a hobby, they shouldn’t be treated differently than someone who wants to leave on time to go to their child’s baseball game. Everyone should be treated the same way.

Managers need to recognize that just because an employee is not a parent, doesn’t mean that he or she shouldn’t place limits on work. But workers who feel their time gets less respect than people who have family commitments need to make sure they play an active role in getting what they want.

Managing your workload is up to you. Whether you’re leaving work to go to the gym or to be with your child, making it happen is your job. Is your work done? Can it wait until tomorrow? Have you communicated your expectations and requests to your boss and team?

Communicate with your boss and team about your hours, expectations and preferences. Don’t let assumptions get in the way of facts.

Diana Antholis is the founder of Enter: Adulthood, an online guide for young adults that shares advice and tips for transitioning into the “real world.” Diana is also the co-founder of Performance Advantage Inc., where she is a management consultant. Follow her on Twitter.

Brazen powers real-time, online events for leading organizations around the world. Our lifestyle and career blog, Brazen Life, offers fun and edgy ideas for ambitious professionals navigating the changing world of work.

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Category: Career Growth, Lifestyle Design

Tags: work/life balance

http://ecoquisitive.wordpress.com Becky B

This may be sidelining your actual question (for which I have no actual answer), but it reminds me of the way smokers and non-smokers were treated at previous workplaces. Hourly employees got the half-hour lunch and two 15-minute breaks, yet smokers could step outside any time they needed to–and for as long as they needed to, whereas people who didn’t smoke and went out with them were “spoken to” for not being at their desks.

Add to that how, like the proverbial golf game or cocktail napkin, game-changing conversations happen at times like this, non-smokers might really have something to gripe about! One of my non-smoking friends got fed up with the close-knit pack that was his boss and co-workers during smoke breaks, so he started going outside with them. He got the “What are you doing here?” question but after he explained that he was missing out on the conversation, they thought it made sense!
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Hi Becky! Excellent point about the smokers. That is exactly my point: smokers and non-smokers should be treated equally, just as parents and people without children should be treated equally. Bravo to your friend who started joining the smoke breaks!
  - Todo
    
    What???? Smoking is a health hazzard that is proven to cause death, cancer, lung disease and hundreds of other ailments. Employers should have the right to FIRE smokers or not hire smokers to begin with.
    
    Children are what keep our population alive. They are our future.
    
    Get your priorities straight. And yeah for the manager who does not want to run a communist camp where everyone is treated the same. Yeah for individuality and yeah for the single, childless worker who is not a coward and will stand up for their own free time.
    
    Parents stand up because they must, like one said as a legal obligation to their children.
    
    Single childless folks, shut off the dichotomy here, stop being a coward and own your own time.
    - Ramone
      
      “Single childless folks, shut off the dichotomy here, stop being a coward and own your own time.”
      If only it were that easy. Bosses often make it hard to complain by threating your job in the first place. This isn’t the economy to stand up to your boss for your life outside of work.
http://www.automaticfinances.com junger

This is a great question, and a great post. Early on in my career, I worked with a guy who telecommuted for 2 days per week because that’s when his wife worked and they couldn’t afford childcare (but sill managed to save for expensive gadgets, imagine that).

I think there’s 2 issues at hand here:

1) Most companies want to be a family-friendly environment. If your company wasn’t seen as family-friendly, employees wouldn’t stick around. So they extend a little leeway that can sometimes be a little too much.

2) Most employees with kids tend to be more senior than younger workers, so they’ve either been with the company longer or are higher up in the ranks. That in itself grants a bit of leeway.

PS. I speak as a guy in my late 20s with two kids.
- http://jwschiff.tumblr.com Jaclyn Schiff
  
  Good points! It’s interesting your perspective on this one. As an employee with kids, do you find family-friendly policies helpful and necessary?
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Interesting points to bring up. I think this brings up a new topic of how more senior workers view younger workers. Apparently the seniority grants them access to a flexible schedule but that is frowned upon for younger workers. Having a flexible schedule is about the person and their own productivity and preferences. Many employers think flexibility means doing less work, when it actually means working differently.
  As far as your experience with someone who bought gadgets vs. daycare, I suppisednthat isn’t our business, but you shouldn’t be expected to do more because of him.
  What is your flexibility like now as a young father?
  - http://www.automaticfinances.com junger
    
    I have a home office, which throws a whole other wrench into the equation. The long and short of it is that I spend a lot of time working in my office, but during my breaks (which would otherwise be at a watercooler or in a co-worker’s office), I get to see and help with my kids, who are at home with my wife.
    
    There’s also an implied sense of responsibility that comes along with having kids. If you are responsible enough to have kids, then as a person you are likely responsible enough to make sure your work gets done (even if you’ve got a flex schedule).
    
    That’s not to say people without kids aren’t responsible, or that all parents are responsible (obviously neither is true across the board), but as a general rule of thumb, when you can take on the responsibility of kids, you can likely handle the responsibility of getting things done outside of the normal work atmosphere.
    - http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
      
      Right, I see having children as a choice, one that you must understand all of the limitations on before you sign up for it. You have to make your schedule work for what is most important to you.
http://twitter.com/ApplyMate ApplyMate.com

Great post – something I’ve never even considered before. But you’re absolutely right, a lot of people get a pass on projects or after-hours work because of their kids’ activities. On the other side, a lot of childless workers get grief for taking time to travel and see their families (because, like you pointed out, theirs aren’t all waiting at home).

None of this is to say that people shouldn’t spend time with their kids or that they’re wrong for doing so. Just that all workers’ outside lives should be respected equally.

Very insightful – nice job.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Thank you so much for commenting! This is exactly my point. The reason shouldn’t matter. Everyone should be treated equally. Unfortunately that isn’t always the case. I wanted to shed light on this subject to gain awareness.
Jennifer Koren

Diana, I have to admit that took some guts to write since you have no children of your own. And for the record, you don’t actually understand that Moms and Dads juggle a lot and it’s really not the same for you. Are you discriminated because you don’t have children? No, you actually have more opportunities to advance in your career because you don’t have children because you don’t have to deal with all the things that slow most working parents down. Most of us that have high level careers start our days at 4am and end them at 11pm with no happy hours, no visits with friends or trips to the gyms, lunch with co-workers, after work manicures..etc.. Our weekends are filled with catching up on all the work that we’re behind on from having to slip out from work during the week due to a sick child. Some of us are fortunate to find companies that are willing to work with the flexible schedule but not because we take advantage of it but because we’re hard workers and if we miss a day..we’ll work all night until the work is done. If I were you I’d focus more on all the things that you can do more than working parents and all the opportunities that you have that we don’t. Opportunities are limitless for you..for us, kids come first and if we’re lucky our jobs will be there tomorrow
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Jennifer, you are right, I do not have children. But the point of this post is to focus on equality, not on comparing what type of lives parents have versus non-parents. I want to emphasize that the reason one should want a flexible schedule does not matter. Whether you have children at home or friends to meet shouldn’t be the concern of your boss/employer. It is about when you can get your work done and how you want to work.
  This post in no way implies that parents take advantage of their positions to leave work early. It implies that if someone without children wants or needs to leave work early and finish up projects on the weekend, they should be given the same treatment as everyone else. If opportunities are limitless for people without children, then shouldn’t one of those opportunies be about deciding when and how we want to work?
- http://twitter.com/kimsamsin Kim Samsin
  
  Jennifer, you may not take advantage of your employer–it sounds like you are very conscientious about meeting all your responsibilities. But many parents do take advantage, and Diana’s post is right on.
  
  You said this: “Are you discriminated because you don’t have children? No, you actually have more opportunities to advance in your career because you don’t have children because you don’t have to deal with all the things that slow most working parents down.” The fact is, discrimination happens when people are treated differently, and the post discusses employees who are subject to different treatment based on something that is separate from workplace performance. Becoming a parent is a choice just as much as remaining childfree is, and those who choose to become parents choose the limitations on their time in exchange for life with their children.
  - http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
    
    Kim, you summed it up perfectly. This post isn’t against parents, it’s something for management to think about. I too believe becoming a parent is a choice, so any obligations that come with that should be understood and dealt with by that individual.
- Nedspodos
  
  Then you better hope that a good chunk of us stay childless. Because we cover for you when you have to leave…the question is…what is it worth to you? If we all have kids we’re screwed. You need us more than we need you.
- SickOfYourExcuses
  
  Jennifer, It took a lot of guts to post your comments as well. You think we have more opportunities? I disagree completely. If we childless types have so much more opportunity and have such a life of luxury, then maybe you can explain why most people “at the top” have families? Everyone at my company that is at the director level and above has a family. What I see is these people are the ones that push the work to those who don’t have families and then take credit for it later to advance their careers. They simply know how to play the game.
  
  When it comes to our jobs, maybe they will be there tomorrow, but frequently when layoffs happen those with families are allowed to keep their jobs because they have a family to support where those of us without families are let go because… well we don’t have to worry about supporting the family. We get to work more with no additional compensation while you go and sit through little johnny’s play. Sounds to me like the kids and the school are dictating what you do instead of the other way around.
  
  Sounds to me like you are complaining about your choice to be a parent and that it is just sooooo hard. Sorry, I have no sympathy for you. You have kids because you made the choice to have them. Now, stop inflicting your choice to have kids on others and just do your job, be a parent. No one you work with should have to care if you have kids.
- Ramone
  
  At every single place I’ve worked, married men with families were more frequently promoted than any other demographic. Married women often stayed in their jobs once they found somthing stable so they didn’t rock the boat with kids’ schedules. Single people (or younger married people without kids) didn’t get extra opportunities. They were treated like worker bees and they left to get better jobs.
  
  Single people are the slave labor of most offices.
http://www.stacksofracks.com Storage Products

I like the smoker-nonsmoker parallel. There are a lot of things about the world that we live in that are simply not fair. It’s sucks but we are all people and people are flawed. I think that it is natural for the personal conversations that occur in the smoking area to draw people together and subsequently result in preferential treatment. Is that fair, no, does it happen, yes. It actually happens so often that my claim that it is natural should be self evident.
Employees without children are also able to connect more easily with their employers as they do not have to split their attention between work and family. This is not always the case but again, it is frequent enough that I shouldn’t need to justify the claim. The point is, it’s natural, it sucks, it’s unfair, but it just is.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  In this country, we try so hard to be equal. I believe we are far from it, especially when it comes to race and gender, but I also believe that we need to stand up and say something regarding subjects that bother us. You are right, some things are unfair. What I would like to emphasize is that the reason one has to have a flexible schedule at work shouldn’t matter. Shouldn’t is the key word there.
  I also like the smoker reference Becky made.
Darcy

Children or no children it is up to each individual to establish his or her own boundaries. It is common at my firm for two people in the same position to work very different hours. For some, the work day ends at five o’clock every day no matter what while others are willing to stay until the wee hours of the morning. It all depends on your goals, and what sacrifices you are willing to make to achieve those goals. While I appreciate that this article points out that young singles can be discriminated against I felt as though it was a reflection of a particular workplace and not necessarily a broader cultural mindset.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Hi Darcy, thank you for commenting. Every firm is different, as you mentioned, so your firm that allows flexible hours is different from someone else’s firm that doesn’t. Most of the time, it comes down to your particular team and how your boss perceives your work hours. It’s not only about young singles, it can happen to older singles as well. I completely agree with you that individuals know how they want to work and should establish that with their teams. It is all about sacrifices and what is more important in your life. So if someone wants to leave early and finish work on the weekend, that option should be up for discussion no matter what the reason. The reason shouldn’t matter. It’s about having equality in the workplace.
http://www.cyrusholiday.info Wordpress Designer

It is an interesting question… and I think its deeper than it appears….
Yes I have seen this discrimination….. even while not at work… But its a completely personal matter…. and I dont know if I should use these words…. but it is due to there own suppression and envy… they make such logically pointless discriminations… I prefer making people realise why they are trying hit a person who has no child…. but fellow workers and the environment is usually so pinching…. it is a shame….!!
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  That is true that it is a deeper issue, because it does depend on your direct supervisor for the most point. Having children is an extremely important job and I’m not dissing that AT ALL. But managers should give the same treatment to parents vs. non-parents.
  - An_irvine
    
    Why compare with parents at all? Why not talk about the unfairness between the suck up slackers & the hardworkers who go unnoticed or rather don’t get promoted cause nothing would get done by the slackers. People need to take their own life into their own hands & negotiate or find a better job elsewhere. People who says parents always get special treatment are wrong. It’s the suck up slackers that do!
http://kontrary.com Rebecca Thorman

At a previous position, I actually had my boss tell me I wasn’t getting a raise during a tough budgetary time because someone else was – they had a family and kids to take care of. I told him that was ridiculous, that raises should be based on performance, not personal situations. He agreed with me (and I got my raise), but it was funny to see how the former was embedded in his psyche that he didn’t think twice about it. Super frustrating because some people don’t want kids! Anyway, great post
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Fascinating! I believe that happens all the time. The same mentality when people are laid off. It should be based on performance. And so true, some people do not want kids at all! The point is that kids or no kids, managers should treat everyone equally. I want to emphasize should in that sentence. Thanks Rebecca!
http://restlesslikeme.com Norcross

Honestly, if you are having these issues, it isn’t the parents you should be concerned with, but the management. And sorry to say, but parents can and should get special considerations, as they have a LEGAL OBLIGATION that you don’t. If my son is sick, I have to go get him. Period.

And many of the things you talk about as a lack of balance is simply maturity in the workplace. This ain’t college anymore, and your boss doesn’t give a shit whether you want to go to the gym. And you should have the same vacation time as a parent. No guilt in taking it.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  This post is essentially a letter to the management, not to parents – AT ALL. Of course having a sick child will grant you time to go stay with him, just as someone who is a caregiver and has to take care of his own parents would be (hopefully) granted the same flexibility. The point is not to question the reason people want or need flexibility. If your work can be done in time, kids or not, you should be able to do that when you want to. That is the whole argument of the work/life flexibility initiative.
  Your last lines sum this up perfectly – “And you should have the same vacation time as a parent. No guilt in taking it.” There is no guilt, but management sometimes sees having kids as more important (and do not get me wrong, having kids is an incredibly important job) and grants special permissions for them that should be granted to the entire office. Its not about legal obligations for a sick child. It’s about equality when it comes to flexibility. Reasons shouldn’t matter. Thank you for weighing in!
  - http://restlesslikeme.com Norcross
    
    As someone who has been both a manager and an employee, its standard that management will give what they need to so the job gets done. I’ve never been in an office where every employee was treated absolutely the same. Nor would I want to be. A trait of a good manager is knowing what concessions need to be made for each employee. Parents get leeway in some places, whereas someone without will get others.
    - http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
      
      I completely agree. Management should know how to handle certain situations. Unfortunately, they don’t always. It would be terrible to restrict someone from not picking up their child. I, too, as someone who has been the manager and employee, have made decisions based on what I thought was right in that moment. It brings in another issue: communication. If you are very open and honest with your team about how you want to work, many obstacles can be cleared.
    - Ramone
      
      “…whereas someone without will get others.” Addendum: If you’re lucky enough to have a good boss to begin with.
  - Bsaunders
    
    Another point: I remember hearing a woman in a workshop say that she had trouble getting time to attend her mother’s DEATH. So, it’s not just that non-parental concerns are frivolous; there’s a bias.
  - Nedspodos
    
    And not just considerations to the with children vs childless. My main issue is that my co-worker wants EVERY Sunday off instead of trading up because I have no kids. If this ever comes up again, I will ask him, “what if a year down the road, I do have a child? What then?” He can’t make that excuse anymore.
Anonymous

Great post, Diana! I, like Becky, thought of the smoker non-smoker analogy when I read this post. It’s a really good question and I see both sides of it. Part of me sees children as society’s responsibility as a whole: when I have worked with co-workers who have children and they need to leave early, I am happy to oblige … mostly because I think of the times that my parents left work early to take care of me, and I think about the times that I hope in the future my co-workers will understand when I have a family. In that way, it’s almost like paying it forward. But to Rebecca’s point, things like raises and vacation should be awarded on merit, not based on family obligations.

In the end, I really hope that companies move towards giving employees time to enjoy personal pursuits, whether that’s for those who have children or those who don’t. In general, our work-life balance is often out of whack, and that’s not good for any employee (or any company) overall.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Thank you Noel! I completely agree. This is NOT discrimination against parents at all. Unfortunately some parents are taking it that way. It is about the management and providing equality in the flexibility of their workers. It’s not about the reason. Of you van get your work done, there shouldn’t be any questioning of how you do that. But I think many mentalities prevent that from happening.
http://togotutor.com/forums/forum.php Togotutor

I don`t think so, I have total 11 yeras of experience working in mostly fortune 500 companies, I have been married for past 5.5 years and believe me I did not see any difference even after having kids or before.so I dont think it has to do with discrimination, it all depends on how is your relation ship with your boss.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Yup, this post is like an open letter to your boss, saying to be open-minded, and not have preferences. Thanks!
https://brazencareerist.com/profile/ashley-9 Ashley Hoffman

Great post and I give you props for approaching a very touchy subject, and doing it well.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Thank you, Ashley!
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FAVCGQFZDNVPDALOVF22QGCULY Therapist1

Great post. The comparison also goes for single moms and single dads. Managers do need to remember to treat everyone the same. Fair is fair…take the emotion out of the equation. I was a single mom in the military and I had to work twice as hard as the married people and the single dads. I didn’t dare take off for “kids stuff”.

While in the military it was the single Marines that got stuck on duty on holidays or during hurricanes or typhoons. The married Marines were home with their families…having fun.

Great reminder for all.

Thanks for sharing.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Excellent points to bring up. I have some experience with the military, as my boyfriend was in the Marine Corps. I met his fellow Marines and the families – some becoming great friends. I often thought about how the women (primarily) really “held down the fort” at home while the men were away – whether it was on duty, a deployment, or training. But you are so completely right, what about the single parents in the military?? THAT is definitely an interesting topic to discuss.
  Thank you for your comment!
Jacqueline

This is great, I have felt this for year. I can add another standpoint to this topic…

No where is this more acutely felt than in education. Obviously schools can’t help but be “family-friendly,” but it is sometimes very frustrating as a worker to see the benefits that having children offers to those teacher-parents.

Teachers without children always feel the brunt- overloaded with the classes no one wants, or
the new classes with brand new curriculum because we “have the time to work on them.” I’ve seen outrageous numbers of sick, personal, and family sick days taken, and let’s not even mention the number of lates they rack up. After a certain number of these days and lates, non parents will get a letter or have to be spoken to- not only will parents not have the same discipline, but they are held on their honor…and unfortunately, I know quite a few who either just overslept, went on vacation, or just wanted to leave early; however, all they have to do is cry “wolf” (or maybe “baby?”) and no one says boo about it.

Now, it is not all parents by any means, and we non-parents do understand the need for parent flexibility from a management stand point and the parenting stand point. It doesn’t change the fact that I have seen abuse of this built in flexibility and it is irritating and unfair.

I think that is what us non-children folk want: we don’t want children, we don’t want your concessions taken away, we want accountability. Concessions need to be made for parents from a managing standpoint, but managers also need to make certain their workers are honest, parents or not.
- Nedspodos
  
  Excellent story. Have you ever said anything to those folks who were being dishonest and told them to find a new career? I’ve wanted to say that to the coworkers who constantly berated me when they think I should sacrifice my time to earn money to pay my bills so they can leave early. We worked as a general night stock force but no one can leave until all projects are done.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Jacqueline, thank you so much for sharing your story. Unfortunately, so many take advantage of their flexibility because they are parents – or whatever the reason may be. My point is to emphasize that the reason should not matter – flexibility should be considered for anyone. Of course the non-parents understand that parents have to do things for their children – but that doesn’t mean that we want to pick up the slack for them either.
  - Todo
    
    What? Diana, I am sorry, but you are a Moron! Being a parent is an entire second full time job. A parent “takes advantage” because they need to work? I am sure all of you on the post would vote against social welfare reform where taxes are used to pay stay at home parents a salary to stay home right? I thought so. What do you expect? Only independently wealthy house-wives to have children and the rest of us 99% to kill off our children because the economy is not conducive to middle income parenthood.
    
    The only “slack” you are picking up for is your own cowardice not to keep up your own schedule. Work your schedule and then go home. If anyone has a problem with it, QUIT and go find another job.
Jeff

The issue of fairness in the workplace is an interesting topic. There are people at all stages of their careers/lives that are prone to complaints about others receiving special treatment. One never has to look far to find a perceived unfairness. My question would be, why is there an expectation of fairness? You have a job that comes with a salary, benefits, and expectations. Either the salary and benefits are commensurate with the expectations or they aren’t. Whether another employee has identical benefits and expectations is really irrelevant.

If you feel you aren’t given enough flexibility then address that with your manager but base it upon your situation and your value to the organization.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Interesting point to bring up about expectations of fairness. I would say that if you negotiated flexibility into your job with accompanying salary and benefits, then that is your personal decision. But, for many people, they have the same salaries, benefits, expectations. So for those people who are more or less equal, one shouldn’t be able to have a flexible schedule vs. another. This post is absolutely a letter to your manager to be open to different ways of working.
Sabrina Glozeris

Well written! Yes I don’t think a company should give someone special concessions due to their lifestyle choices. Smoking, kids, whatever. Long term proven employees is one thing but in this economy, there’s plenty of older workers with more experience who haven’t been there long enough to be proven.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Exactly – lifestyle choices. Many people think that having kids is a necessity, but it’s not. If you want a flexible schedule, you should be able to ask for it without any penalties for the reasoning.
- Greatmom
  
  How is smoking a LIFEstyle choice? It should be called a DEATHstyle choice.
ceenight

I’ve been on both sides of the fence now and I use to think that maybe there was an issue with equality with regards to having or not having a family but it just hasn’t panned out. Our company has had to move people around the country due to economic conditions and people with families do get some consideration mainly because splitting a family up is hard on the relationship and family. Regardless of this fact, everyone has been asked to consider travel. Some people opted to do it and some didn’t. If you chose not to travel, you were taking your chances just as much as the next person whether or not you had a family. Bottom line is, you set your boundaries and accept the consequences of those decisions. We all want to be equal but it just doesn’t work that way. Your going to face discrimination in one way or another throughout your career whether it relates to your capabilities, family, earnings, age, ethnicity, etc.. How you are considered by the leadership of your company often is a direct reflection of your relationship with your boss and their bosses. I didn’t have the savy or proximity to by bosses when I was younger so I often felt that decisions about my career were made in a vacumn. That will remain true even if the workforce structure flattens out. Someone will always be tasked with making tough decisions and others may seek reasonings behind those decisions that just aren’t there.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  I agree with you that it is about our own personal choices and about our bosses. And that is what this post is all about – talking to your boss. We all have to make sacrifices in our lives, of course, but if you want a flexible schedule – ask for it. It doesn’t hurt to ask.
Anne

Believe me, those of us working in the corporate world who have young kids do NOT feel like we have any sort of advantage or leg up. It’s 100% the opposite. It’s the most stressful situation and “getting” to leave earlier than my single/child-free counterparts choose to doesn’t mean I’m not online for hours every single night to make up for it. If I could trade and spend an extra hour here to put in face time versus what I’m having to do now, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Because all you’re talking about is face time….not the quality of people’s output.

As a manager, I would never question how someone spends their time outside of work or needs to walk out the door at 5pm for a hobby or activity – it’s none of my business. But if someone walked in at 2pm and said they had to leave to catch a movie? No. Of course it’s different than a parent saying their kid is sick at daycare and they have no choice but to go. You’re trying to compare apples to oranges here.

I’m pretty sure some day – if you choose to have kids, of course – you’ll look back on this article and laugh. But it was entertaining to read.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  This post is in no way against parents. It is about work/life flexibility – meaning that you do the same amount of work, same output (face time or not – that’s not what I’m talking about) – but on your schedule. So like you said, you spend nights making up for having to leave work early for your kids. That is your life. So if a person without kids needs to leave at 5pm because they need to take care of their grandmother, then they can make up that work at night as well. It’s not about working less, it’s about working differently. And whether I have children or not, I will be happy that I stuck up for something I believe in. Another commenter above posted an article from CNN about the same discrimination happening at work. http://bit.ly/kTCbOG
Bob

If I start my own business outside work hours, it’s just as stressful as having kids. Should I be allowed to leave early to attend a client meeting, or take a day off work to deal with an emergency?
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  The whole point about having work/life flexibility is that you can schedule your work when you can actually work. So in your case, if you have a client meeting for your side business during your full-time business hours, then you need to figure out how to schedule your full-time job’s work around that. It’s not about working less, it’s about working differently.
Rachel

I will repeat what I commented elsewhere… this whole post — and many of the comments — belong on whitewhine.com. Leave the pity party for people who have actually experienced discrimination.
- CostumeGirl10
  
  Wait – are you saying that your discrimination is worse than others’ discrimination? Isn’t that kind of discriminatory in itself? All discrimination is wrong. You should be supporting others who are also treated unfairly, no matter whether you think it’s important enough or not.
  - Maggie
    
    I can’t believe Rachel is discriminating on a topic of discrimination….clearly not thinking. Well I have experienced discrimination at my place of work which is in higher education ….yes it happens everywhere! A colleague flat out screams “what do I know about parenting?” you don’t have any kids! This was in front of a lobby full of clients. I was merely helping my clients child get some crayons and coloring books and toys and she thought I wasn’t skilled enough since I did not have kids! I think in her case she can’t find anything negative to get on me so she uses the “non-parent” card. This has happened more than once. Just because I didn’t have kids does NOT mean Iam not a good parent….I have thousands of moms and dads that have kids that I support and just because you have biological kids DOES not mean you know how to parent. I also see my colleagues leave early, call in and leave us non-parents out of conversations and look down upon like we are diseased. I know discrimination when I see it …. it is NOT just a race issue…discrimination is multi-faceted. Also, parents do get promoted and succeed so I don’t know the earlier post stated non-parents get ahead faster is NOT true..
Horiconbirches

Great article. I am child-free by choice in my late 30s and still encounter this after nearly two decades in IT. I finally decided to start my own business after being harassed by management for taking an extra 2 days of bereavement after my sister died-her funeral, at age 33 was a thousand miles away. Six months later I was still being denied requests to use sick or vacation time accrued because my bereavement absence was considered excessive.
Parents on my team took an average of 2 personal days monthly though corporate policy granted only 3 such days annually. When I raised this as leverage – astride demonstrated results and achievements in my role, I was told “They have children, you only lost a sibling you only saw a few times a year. There’s no comparison.”

They were right, there isn’t. Losing a sibling is harder than missing a school play. My advice to anyone unfairly chastised for exercising the same right of work-family balance granted to parents in their firm is to leave and find a better fit with a management team that focuses more on management for the sake of work instead of control.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Wow, what an unfortunate situation you were in. I’m so sorry about that. I agree that it is healthier to find a management team that has a better fit with your needs.
CostumeGirl10

I don’t have children and never plan on having children. I firmly believe that having children is a CHOICE, just like it’s my CHOICE to have a hobby, to participate in sports, etc, and therefore, workers who have children at home need to learn how to balance their work and home life, just like the rest of us. I understand that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances, but then I expect to have the same amount of flexibility as a parent.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  I totally agree that it is a choice. Everyone assumes that people will eventually have children – but that obviously isn’t the case. I agree that everyone should have the same amount of flexibility.
usereason

There have been army mothers who have refused military deployment citing the need to stay home and take care of children. Parents using children as an excuse to avoid work assignments – it can happen. Meanwhile, the single soldiers have no excuse to fall back on.

In the case of Alexis Hutchinson, she was discharged by the military after she pulled this stunt. It seems to me that whenever a parent needs time off work to take care of children, there should be consequences as in Hutchinson’s case – it should be deducted from their leave bank or pay. Also, it seems fair that all workers be allowed to leave at quitting time (or all stay late) and not be looked down upon.
- Nedspodos
  
  Yea there seems to be a double standard going on. Parents are trying to muscle in hobbies with their kids’ responsibilities at the same time and clamoring for extra that we will not get. If you have kids, that is your hobby.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Yes I have seen parents use kids to avoid work assignments. The unfortunate part is that those people without kids get double the work because of it. That isn’t fair. If there is a way to have a flexible schedule, but still do YOUR work – then that is what needs to happen.
Nedspodos

I’ve encountered this on more than one occasion, by co-workers and direct supervisors. Upper management knows better than to go so blatant with the utterance of it…but they have done it. I almost lost an opportunity because of it. Mostly because of the way they were trying to downsize our workforce. Otherwise the turbulence would not have happened.
I’ve been berated by co-workers for doing more work than they think is necessary because they want to leave early to get their kids and go to sleep. I got a new department manager who transferred from an adjacent department; so I already knew him. Chatted with him often, seemed really cool. He was really giving and understanding coming over, but as soon as I mentioned about us trading Sunday’s off every other week….oh boy! Discrimination city. He said, “Well, you don’t have kids.” I felt like punching him in the mouth.
The gentleman involved in the “opportunity missed” scenario, doesn’t really need his job. His wife is a nurse and he could quit if he really wants too. He has weekends off and works 5-2 Mon-Fri, because he takes care of his son while his wife is at work. It would be more expensive to hire a baby sitter than it would be to be a stay at home dad. Now, I really like this guy…and don’t want him to leave. My department manager…he needs his job and weasels his way through everything, Plus he is an incompetent buffoon.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Yikes, sounds like you have a lot going on over there! It’s unfortunate that so many of us have encountered managers who are not flexible or understanding. The comment about not having kids happens WAY too often. It shouldn’t be a consideration. Having kids is a choice. Thank you for your comment.
http://twitter.com/kaleighsomers kaleigh somers

When I first saw the title of this post, I thought it was the exact opposite. But maybe that’s more so with an employer hiring someone? If someone doesn’t have a commitment to a family, are they more likely to be hired because the employer thinks they’ll schedule around their life rather than having kids to handle and a babysitter to find and so forth? I don’t think it’s fair, but I’m wondering if that’s the case.

I do think there’s a ton of jobs out there that now allow for people to set their own hours and still make money to support themselves. I intern for a job search company – Uvisor (it’s like Google for jobs) and we have a ton of listings for freelance options.
- usereason
  
  kaleigh somers, Employers are not supposed to ask about your family situation. People who think that information may count against them should prepare friendly responses to such questions before interviews.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  HI Kaleigh. It goes both ways, unfortunately. I have heard of employers only hiring (or prefering to hire) people without children as they think they can work later/weekends/holidays. That isn’t fair.
  Employers need to offer flexible time to everyone and not give preference based on specific situations.
Katelynjwatson

We totally get screwed at work!!!

Here is a great article and video – Do DINKs get the shaft at work? http://www.dinklife.com/topic/career/do-dinks-get-shaft-work
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  WOW I love this! Awesome article. Thank you CNN! I totally agree with what they said – people without children aren’t as vocal because they think they will be chastised for it. And that we are a very small minority speaking out about it.
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Angela Charles

I think your points are well-made. It IS a management issue not a parent/non-parent issue. In order to create a fair working environment management cannot create different rules for different people (unless there is a pre-determined expectation for certain positions that does not apply to others). All jobs should allow for work/life balance, depite the circumstances at play in the “life” aspect… kids, no kids, spouses, hobbies etc. We will all be more effective workers if we can achieve a better sense of balance in our lives. We will feel less resentful, exhausted, and unhappy with our work and more fulfilled personally and professionally. The other side, like you’ve mentioned, is that we have to take ownership too. Just like a parent would most likely opt not to neglect their sick child, we need to use our time wisely, speak up when we need something and take responsibility for our own lives.

Angela
http://www.habitformingsuccess.com
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Thanks Angela. I (obviously) completely agree! It is a management issue and has nothing to do with what the REASON is you prefer flexible hours. It is also our responsibility to ask for what we want. Thank you for weighing in!
Marie

Thank you for writing this post. It is very difficult to keep up a good attitude at work when people with less seniority than me don’t have to work weekends because they have children. It’s a double whammy because I’m not childless by choice. I’m infertile and can’t afford to adopt.
Rabbit2976

I ran into this recently. A couple of months ago I bought a house and my commute increased a great deal. As my company has a written policy saying that flexible schedules are permissible with approval, I went to my HR department and asked about changing my schedule by half an hour in order to get an earlier train – that half hour would get me home a full hour and ten minutes earlier (6:20 instead of 7:30 p.m.). I was told no, and that what I was asking for was “unreasonable.” And yet a co-worker was recently allowed to change her schedule to leave a full hour earlier right after she returned from maternity leave in order to accomodate picking up her baby from daycare.
- http://www.enteradulthood.com Diana Antholis
  
  Wow, thank you so much for sharing this story. This is exactly what I’m talking about. Why does it have to be that way? Why are certain things more important than others? Don’t get me wrong, children are important, but how did HR know that you needed to do that for an important reason as well? I believe it is unfair and unequal. Organizations need to realize what they are doing and how they are treating employees in terms of equality. Thank you again.
- An_irvine
  
  Love, you have no reason to get home earlier, besides convenience. Find another job if your not happy. At least you have one. I am a mother looking for work not asking for special consideration. I have family that can help out, so I don’t jip on my work committment. And I can’t get a job cause I’m a Mum & I’m meant to be at home with my kids, apparently. When I really need to work to pay the bills & support my family. I get the whole fairness in the workplace, but the world isn’t fair & to generalize this to all working parents is wrong. I guareentee that there are plenty of working parents out there that don’t get any special treatment & are discrimated against because they have kids. Stop your whingging and do something about it. Maybe it’s time to find a job that appreciates your work & rewards &/or provides incentives for good work – whether it’s flexibility with hours or pay increases. Negotiate a better deal or leave. In this economic climate your blessed to have a job.
  P.s.- If we were all working parents then we’d help each other out. I’d never expect anyone to pick up the slack for me.
  P.s.- When working parents leave they have to take it from there leave anyway.
  - MegLOL
    
    ”
    If we were all working parents then we’d help each other out. I’d never expect anyone to pick up the slack for me. ” I can’t believe you actually said that.
    
    Rabbit2976’s co-worker that got off an hour earlier to pick up her kid from daycare is a “convenience,” too… by the way. If she knew she had to leave work early to get to her babysitter, she needed to find another babysitter or another job w/ different hours instead of ask for the time off work. That person chose to have kids; Rabbit chose to live further away from her work. If you let one co-worker who has finished their responsibilities for the day leave early for any convenience reason, you should let any other employer do the same.
Em

I feel lately that I am being discriminated in my workplace because I dont have children. I took a half day because I didnt have very much to do at work that day and my boss held a meeting with me informing me that she felt I had taken advantage of her by doing so. I brought up the fact that she lets one of my coworkers take TWO half days a week and she professed it was because she has a child and no daycare. I felt very much as though if I had a child, this meeting would not have happened! Then the other day on one of my coworker’s “half” days, someone came to meet her after she clocked out to pick up her child… Therefore totally eliminating the need for her “half” day. This coworker also constantly downgrades my life because i dont have children. Should i confront my boss?
- http://dianaantholis.com/ Diana Antholis
  
  I think it’s best to talk to your boss about your own workload and the ability to leave early or work from home, instead of directly comparing to other coworkers. Prove yourself and that your work can be finished within the time period you are at work. Try this and see what happens.
soby12

Thank you for this article. This is EXACTLY how I feel, I take dance classes as a hobby and it starts at 6:30. My hours are 8:30 – 5:00, and most nights that I do not have dance class I stay till 7. The two days I want to leave, I literally get the feeling that my excuse is stupid or dumb – and this is me leaving at 6 (an hour after my “official” off time). Yet, I have co-workers who get to leave at 4:30 and to pick up their kids at the daycare. I have no problem with that but why should my time seem less valuable because I do not have kids. Or somehow it is okay to inconvenience me to finish up a project on the weekends because I have no kids. It got to a point that I stopped sharing what I do on my off-time because I feel like it will come back and haunt me.
IHateYourKids

Thank you for this article. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see this finally. I am simply sick of being treated like a work horse because I don’t have any children.

I work in a very small company, but those of us without children are constantly put in a position to “take up the slack” for the parents who leave early, come in late, constantly have interruptions due to family needs, or wait until the last minute to demand vacation to accommodate their kid’s school events or schedules. I have tried, without any success, to take a class or claim that I have “plans” and I am just told that I need to just do the job no matter the hours. In any given week, the childless types work at least 3-6 hours more than those without kids without any compensation. I have also caught two of my coworkers outright lying about their family demands to leave early to go play golf or go shopping or to simply go home and chill. I have even been told to delay my pre-scheduled and approved vacation at the last minute so someone else can take time off to be with their kiddies for Spring break.

I have to say that some days I just want to scream every time I hear about someone’s supposedly sick child or some parent-teacher conference that will require that I “cover” for them or work extra hours so they can go play mommie or daddie. I know this sounds hard hearted, but what possesses these people to think it is ok to do this to us?

Sadly, I have gotten to the point where If I have any idea that someone has school age children when I interview them, I simply won’t hire them because I am sick of this behavior from my employees and my coworkers. I am just no longer interested in dealing with this behavior where these people believe that they are entitled to inflict their family “commitments” on others.

I have simply had enough and I don’t want to hear about it any more from my coworkers or employees. Just do your job is all I have to say, and deal with your family on your own time, not mine.
Zombietyphoeus

Parents tend to be very selfish and think the world should revolve around them. Those without kids, especially males, are automatically condemned as being irresponsible and unable to receive promotions and raises due to the discrimination exhibited towards us due to harsh social stereotyping. If a person has kids then that is their problem and they need to take responsibility for their decision to have a child and learn to expect self sacrifice instead of using their kids as an excuse to be lazy in the work place. Its just as bad as the government giving free money to people who pop out kids they cannot afford. The world is grossly over populated. People not contributing to the over population should be rewarded while those who live promiscuous life styles resulting in kids they cannot afford should be punished.

The real inequality in this country is the single people with no kids in short. Its time to even the work load and give equal opportunity for growth to us all.
Charlie

I lost a job promotion to another guy who is a young father of a new born baby. I know how it feels. They do not consider people without children to be worthy of serious attention. I’m 29 years old, I have a serious relationship, and a home, and a business I run on the weekends… but since I am not a father, I get stuck with everything at work. They even told me that the guy who got the promotion has a family to take care of.. as if it was relevant to the job…
singleS

I am a manager of a small company that works essentially like a start up. I was employee number 6. In the seven years I have worked there I have closed a lot quarters, coordinated many deliveries of million dollar shipments and processed many orders. I do not have children and recognize I could not do the same job if I did. Yet I have working parents on my team that can’t work a 40 hour week and can’t be in the office for the end of quarter activities, despite having been told it was a requirement of the job and agreeing they COULD do it. Now that they can’t…..I have no recourse. I have asked my mangers for a team that can be there because, I don’t scale……… I am to say the least bitter, and angry over this situation.
About To Leave

I just need to know one thing: My “supervisor” called me in her office yesterday and said that I “needed to step up to the plate more than what I’m doing” and said that if anyone should stay and work until 6 or 7 p.m. it should be me since I don’t have kids. Do I have a lawsuit?

Are People Who Don’t Have Children Discriminated Against at Work?

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