They both graduated from college around the same time with decent grades. They both clamored about for a bit about what to do next before taking the reasonable path and settling on a job that pays the bills. (The bills do need to be paid, after all.)

And now they’ve gotten restless. Both women long for more: More fulfillment. More passion. More meaning. They long to do work that feeds their soul, not just their bank account.

Two women. Same situation. Same yearning.

Fast forward 10 years later

In the spring of 2024, their lives look strikingly different.

The first woman has come to life — she’s escaped the meaningless, seemingly endless cycle that once defined her. She wakes up each morning with a smile on her face, a spring in her step and an urgency that can’t be stopped. She can’t wait to get to work, to get moving, to give her gift to the world. She’s found herself, she’s found her work, and it shows.

And the second woman? She’s still stuck doing similar work as before — sure, she’s climbed the ranks and advanced in responsibility. She’s even changed companies a few times in hopes of finding a new opportunity, and yet with each move she finds herself taking on similar roles because, well, that’s what she’s qualified to do, right?

Her experience has pigeonholed her, and she doesn’t see a way out without taking a drastic pay cut. And a pay cut? A pay cut isn’t an option when you’ve got a mortgage to pay, student loan (and car and credit card) debt to pay down, and a family to feed. It’s just not realistic — at least, not anymore.

A decade later, she still feels as if a piece of her is dying as she pulls into the parking lot each day. And as she stares out the window in the year 2024, she realizes that not a whole lot has changed in her life over the past 10 years.

“Maybe things could have been different,” she sighs. “But now it’s too late.”

And so she stays, day after day after day…

What made the difference

It’s not that one woman began with more clarity than the other — they both felt lost, stuck and unsure about how to break free. Nor did one have any more talent or skill or luck than the other, except for the luck that she made. One didn’t start off in a better financial position or with a bigger network. And it wasn’t one single thing that made the difference, either — it was lots of things combined.

Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t an easy road for the first woman, and it didn’t happen overnight. There were lots of sleepless nights, lots of tossing and turning and second-guessing. And yet come hell or high water, the first woman was determined to make it happen. She wasn’t sure where to begin or exactly where she’d end up, but she took it upon herself to actively wade through the uncertainty: to explore, to question, to experiment, to play with her passions.

The other waited for clarity and change to find her. She said, “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen,” or “I’ll make a change tomorrow.” But what change? The truth is, she didn’t know where to start. Sure, she had some ideas about what she might like to do, but the ambiguity and uncertainty paralyzed her. She didn’t see that in closing herself off to uncertainty, she was also closing herself off to possibility. Her fate was sealed.

The first woman reached out and found mentors — people who’d made the leap and built lives they loved  — and their stories gave her hope that a different life was possible. They encouraged, guided and inspired her, and eventually became some of her closest friends.

The second was “too busy” to reach out — and to tell the truth, she was afraid to do it, too. Afraid to look stupid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid it wouldn’t lead her anywhere, anyhow.

One woman found support and community in other people like her: fierce, passionate, driven fire-starters who weren’t about to accept less from life than what their hearts demanded. They helped each other grow,  held each other accountable and nudged each other forward when they wanted to give up.

The other thought she had to go at it alone — and in doing so, ended up going nowhere at all. She clung to her familiar group of friends and acquaintances, the kind of people who counted down the hours till 5:00 each day, living for martinis and weekends in bikinis. It was safe. It was familiar. It was all she knew. She was one of them, and one of them she’d remain.

One lived below her means. She skipped shopping trips and Starbucks and sandy destinations to pay down her student loan debt — fast. She picked up an extra job bartending on weekends and used the extra cash to invest in trainings and conferences and coaching — anything to get her where she wanted to go.

The other tried her best to be frugal, but it was easy to cave when it came to dinners and drinks and vacations in Vegas. When opportunities for training and growth came along, she’d say to herself, ”I can’t afford that kind of stuff.” What she didn’t see was that the alternative was much more costly.

She believed that finding meaningful work was unrealistic — a fairytale — and too far away. She gave up on her dream before she even gave it a chance.

The first woman knew that a life of fulfillment might not come easily, but she was willing to risk ambiguity and disappointment and loss. She knew that it was better to go through struggles on her own path than to sail smoothly on one that was not her own. (Click here to tweet this thought.) Scribbled on the journal at her bedside was a quote by author Paulo Coelho:

On some nights, [the warrior] has nowhere to sleep, on others he suffers from insomnia. “That’s just how it is,” thinks the warrior. “I was the one who chose to walk this path.” In these words lies all his power: He chose the path along which he is walking and so has no complaints.

This is how she’s felt about her journey. It’s been scary, uncertain, arduous and sometimes risky. And yet it’s all been infinitely worthwhile. From the moment she began to walk along her own path, she knew she was on her way home.

Which will you be?

Thoreau famously wrote, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”

So I have just one question for you: Which life will you lead? What song will you sing? Five or 10 or 15 years from now, who will you be — most men or the man? The first woman or the second woman? One of a million, or one in a million?

The choice, my friend, is yours.

This post originally appeared on TheUnlost.com.

Therese Schwenkler is the Founder, CEO and “Marketer of Truth” at TheUnlost.com, where she provides non-sucky advice on life, love, work and what to do when life sucks. Click here to read Therese’s most popular articles about discovering the work that you love (plus, learn why it’s OK to be lost and confused).

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The post Two Roads Diverge in the Workplace: Which Will You Choose? appeared first on Brazen Life.

“Five years ago, did you know that you were going to end up marrying Gretchen?” I asked my newlywed friend Rob, my eyes wide with curiosity. “I mean, how did you figure it out?”

Rob set his frothy pint o’ beer down on the table and looked at me with disdain.

“Therese, I’m not trying to insult you here, but your questions are so freaking STUPID! I’ve already told you a million times—there’s no possible way I could’ve known that I’d marry Gretchen. Five years ago, I hadn’t even met her yet! I didn’t even know she existed!”

“You mean you started out without knowing who you’d marry at all?” I asked in dismay. “And you’re saying that you didn’t plan to marry her from the beginning?”

“Well, of course not. I mean, how could I have known?”

I chewed thoughtfully on my Gardenburger patty for a couple of minutes, slowly digesting what Rob had just told me.

His amazing wife, Gretchen, didn’t come into his life through careful thinking or planning. He hadn’t, after some hard-focused brainstorming session, thumped his fist on the desk and exclaimed, “I finally know—it’s GRETCHEN I should marry!”

In fact, no amount of brainstorming, analysis, thinking or planning could have resulted in the answer of “Gretchen”—not ever.

I know this story sounds a little silly, but there’s a reason for that: finding your career and your life path really isn’t all that different than finding a hot and funny wife named Gretchen.

You don’t start off knowing the exact person you’re going to marry, and no one expects you to. In fact, to hold someone up to this expectation would be ludicrous.

So why do we expect this when it comes to our careers?

Why is there this ridiculous expectation that we should know from the get-go exactly what we want to do with our lives?

Contrary to expectation, some of the happiest and most successful people started off without a grand plan or a clear vision of what the endpoint would be—and yet they ended up doing insanely fulfilling, passion-igniting, made-for-them things. I’ve heard this from so many of my mentors, in fact, that I now believe career planning is a horrible idea.

It’s time to change the way we think about career planning, from a process in which we think and plan and analyze our way into the answers beforehand to a process more akin to finding a mate. So here are three reasons why finding your truest career path is like finding a spouse:

1. Experience matters

Back in high school, I used to have the hugest crush on…let’s just call the guy “Danny.” He was perfect in every way (or so I thought): he had beautiful blue eyes, he was funny and nice and smart and he was the star of the basketball team. Based on all rational thought, Danny appeared to be the perfect boyfriend. After lots of hard work and investment (er, stalking), my dream finally came true: Danny and I went out on a date.

Guess what? Dating Danny wasn’t nearly as awesome as I’d thought it would be. It turns out he wasn’t a great fit for me, after all—he smelled funny and our senses of humor really clashed.

Choosing a career without having any real life experience or opportunities for exploration is like deciding to marry Danny based on the view from the gymnasium bleachers. Regardless of how much thinking or research or ogling you’ve done, you simply cannot know beforehand what the actual experience will be like.

So how do you go on a date with your potential career? You do anything that helps you actually TRY OUT different options, even if you have no clue whether or not you’ll end up enjoying them. Volunteer. Get an internship. Start a project. Get involved in any way possible. You can do this even if you already have a full-time job.

2. We can’t possibly think our way into all the options

Five years ago, Rob couldn’t have identified Gretchen, regardless of how hard he’d thought or analyzed or planned. Why? Because he had no idea she even existed. If he had followed the traditional career planning model, he’d have thought through his list of contacts, scanned the personal ads for potential candidates and decided to marry Janet, who was nice but far less compatible.

When it comes to our careers, there are countless obscure options we haven’t been exposed to (or that may not even exist yet) just waiting to be discovered. In trying to think our way into the answers beforehand, we miss out on exposure to the Gretchens of the world.

How do we find our way into these options? Through experience. By going on dates with potential careers, we’re exposed to new contacts, new experiences and unforeseen opportunities that we never could have envisioned from the get-go.

3. We’re looking for far more than just a career

Traditional career thinking hinges on the fact that if only we could identify that one perfect career and get the job, we’d be magically fulfilled. HA!

Let me tell you about my friend Mark. Mark is married to “the woman of his dreams”—and yet, still, he’s unhappy. My friend Allison has attained the “job of her dreams” as an attorney—and yet, still, she’s unhappy.

In dating and in work, the same principle holds true: a career or a spouse alone will never fulfill us.

We’re looking for far more than just a career; we’re looking for ourselves. We’re looking for purpose and passion and meaning, and if we rely solely on an occupation (or a spouse) to give us these things, we’ll be sorely disappointed time and time again.

So there you have it: three reasons why finding your career path is like finding a spouse. When it comes to career planning, our traditional methods are flawed. Trying to identify a spouse a priori would be unthinkable in the realm of relationships, and it’s time we shifted the way we approach our career paths as well.

Therese Schwenkler, founder of TheUnlost.com, wants to show you how to “date” your way into your truest career and life path. For more details and little-known secrets on “career dating,” click here.

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The post Why Finding Your Career Path is Like Choosing a Spouse appeared first on Brazen Life.

Do you imagine she was asking about your occupation—about whether you plan to be a bricklayer or a doctor, a teacher or a chef, a policeman or a scholar? Was she asking whether you plan to spend your life flipping burgers or settling lawsuits, writing reports or writing code?

Something tells me occupation was not what she had in mind.

And yet when most of us think about our futures and about our life paths, this is the approach we take.

We’ve been raised in a culture that’s obsessed with occupation, with doing.

And so we grow up believing that if only we could figure out our occupation—if only we could figure out what we wanted to DO with our lives—then we will finally be fulfilled and come to know who we are.

“What should I do with my life?” we ask ourselves over and over and over again. We pull our hair out in the agonizing search for that one perfect occupation, that one thing we think we’re  “supposed” to do.

I think we’ve got it all wrong, guys.

After all, it’s ludicrous to think that our fulfillment in life or our sense of who we are is wholly dependent on what we end up doing—on whether we find ourselves teaching arithmetic or doing taxes, walking dogs or waxing eyebrows.

In fact, placing sole and dire importance on doing is perhaps one of the biggest mistakes we can make, because what we spend our lives doing matters very little unless it is first preceded by the far more important, far more elemental question of being.

Oliver wasn’t interested in the specifics of our “doing.” Instead, what I think she was concerned with (and what we ought to be concerned with, too) was simply this:

WHO will you spend your one wild and precious life being?

Will you spend the minutes and hours of your precious life being who you really are, or will you spend them living someone else’s life, living up to someone else’s version of who you ought to be?

Will you show up fully? Regardless of what your hands are busy doing, regardless of your job title or your responsibilities or your level of income, what qualities of being will you embody? And how is it that you’ll choose to live this one wild and precious life of yours?

When seeking your truest career path, here’s where I suggest you start: try replacing the question of “What do I want to do when I grow up?” with “WHO do I want to be when I grow up (and who am I already)? How do I want to show up in this world?”

The question of being is the primary, fundamental, elemental question.

The question of doing, then, comes second, and it sounds something like this: “Under which circumstances can I most fully be myself? What type of occupation (and people and culture and environment) best support and facilitate my ability to show up fully as who I am?”

Because in the end, your truest occupation is not to do anything. Rather, your truest occupation is simply to be. Your truest occupation is to become the greatest, grandest, truest version of yourself—to live and breathe and become that person you were born to be.

Everything else is just secondary.

Therese Schwenkler wants to help you become your awesome self and discover your truest career path. Learn how to do this by visiting her blog, The Unlost.

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The post Are We Asking The Wrong Question When Planning Our Futures? appeared first on Brazen Life.

When you graduate college, you’re inundated with cookie-cutter advice like, “Follow your DREAMS!” and “Believe in yourself!!!!”

Let’s get real, guys: this advice means nothing once you step out into the real world. 

So let’s dig into some advice that’s actually useful. Today I present to you: The top three things that I wish someone had told me when I graduated college.

(You’re welcome!)

1. It’s OK not to know what’s next

When I graduated college in 2006, I had no clue what I wanted to do next.

The result? Constant anxiety.

I wish someone had told me that it’s OK — in fact, it’s more than OK — not to know the answers.

I wish someone had told me that I wasn’t gonna die if I didn’t have it all figured out, that it often takes time and experience to live your way into the answers, and that despite feeling the world is gonna end, it won’t. Confusion or no confusion, you will continue breathing and you’re gonna be just fine.

What’s more, I wish someone had told me that not knowing in no way dooms you to failure. In fact, some of the most happy, successful people I know started out without knowing where they’d end up.

If you feel like you have to have your whole career planned out, think again. Not only is this expectation unrealistic for most of us, but it’s often ineffective as well. Consider your current confusion a prerequisite to a clarity that can only come with trust and with time.

It’s OK not to know. Embrace it.

2. You have the rest of your life to be serious

If you want to jump straight into a serious career, then by all means go for it.

But if travel or adventure or soul searching are whispering in your ear, don’t feel pressured to jump into “real life” right away. You’re still young. You’re still free. You’ve got THE REST OF YOUR LIFE to go to work. You’ve got THE REST OF YOUR LIFE to be serious.

If you want to take a chance, take it now. Lose everything before you feel like you have everything to lose. Do it before it’s too late, before you’re old and wrinkly and looking back on your life with regrets.

The year after I graduated college, I took off to Australia for three months and allowed myself to wander and to explore and to experience life. When I came back home, I secured a desk job in corporate accounting, and I was able to do this without feeling a sense of regret about the risks I’d failed to take.

Your degree isn’t going anywhere. Work isn’t going anywhere. You have years and years and YEARS ahead of you. Don’t feel pressured to rush into a “real person job” — instead, try considering that living may be your real job. And living doesn’t have to be so serious.

Which leads me into my third point…

3. There are no “shoulds”

The horrible affliction of shoulditis is running rampant in today’s society.

“I should have it all figured out,” we tell ourselves over and over again in our heads.

“I should get a good job and do what’s expected of me.”

“Should should should, blah blah blah.”

THIS IS BS!

Allow me to let you in on a little secret of life: You WILL NOT DIE if you drop the “shoulds.”

I repeat: YOU WILL NOT DIE IF YOU DROP THE “SHOULDS!”

At the age of 28, I just quit my corporate job to travel around the country, to live my passions and live more simply, and to slow down. And LOOK, I’m still alive! What’s more, I’m happier than ever.

There are no “shoulds,” guys. Listen to your heart and don’t ever let other peoples’ expectations dictate how you should or shouldn’t live your life.

If you want to go travel the world, do it.

If you want to teach English in Thailand, do it!

If you want to go bartend on a tropical island for awhile, who am I to stop you?

If you want to go straight into real life and get a “real job,” that’s fine too — just make sure you’re doing it because it’s what you want, not because it’s what you think other people expect of you.

In the end, you’re the only one who has to live your life. Others may have their thoughts or expectations, and that’s fine — they get to live their life how they want to do it, but only you can know what’s right for you.

Therese Schwenkler is passionate about bringing more and better direction to today’s generation. Feeling lost & confused after graduation? Stuck in the “shoulds?” Visit Therese’s blog, The Unlost, for the cure.

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The post 3 Things No One Tells You About Graduating from College appeared first on Brazen Life.

Your networking sucks.

No worries, though. Mine used to suck, too, until I discovered the secret: stop networking altogether.

See, a few years ago I was a young professional, fresh out of college and ready to conquer the world. “It’s all about the people you know,” everyone told me. And so I went out to meet some people — I went out to “network.”

No matter how hard I tried, though, and no matter how many people I talked to, it never really got me anywhere. I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong. I couldn’t understand why people weren’t offering me jobs or leads or becoming my new BFFs. Instead I was lucky if they even remembered my name.

Fast forward two years to the fall of 2011.

I stared at my computer screen in disbelief.

“I’d like to fly to Boise and meet you in person. I’m really interested in what you’re doing,” read the message in front of me.

“Me?” my voice echoed around the empty room.

I looked around to see if there was any other Therese Schwenkler he could have been speaking of. Nope, it was just me.

Soren Gordhamer, the founder of the Wisdom 2.0 Conference? The guy who knows all these awesome people at Google and Facebook and whose sold-out conference features Eckhart Tolle (one of Oprah’s favorite peeps)? Soren Gordhamer wants to come talk to me? In my hometown of Boise, Idaho?

This was only the first of many unexpected and wonderful relationships that I’ve built in the past half year, one of many that have helped shape me into the person I am today.

So what am I doing differently now? How did I go from being a complete networking loser to forming relationships with some of the most genuine, most interesting, most well-connected people around?

It’s simple, really: I dropped the whole notion of “networking” and did something completely different instead — a little something I like to call “non-networking.”

Here’s how it’s done (or rather, here’s how it’s not done).

How to non-network in two simple steps:

1. Develop your own brand of awesomesauce

Awesomesauce is simply that thing that makes you interesting. It’s that thing that makes you, well, you.

Joel Runyon has it. So does Amber Rae. And Charlie Hoehn. You know what those people stand for when you see their names, right? That’s their awesomesauce.

Have you found your awesomesauce? If you haven’t yet, get on it. Otherwise you’ll forever be out of the game.

When I started growing my website, The Unlost, I unwittingly discovered my own brand of awesomesauce. All of the sudden people started coming to me. Bloggers and authors and brand strategists and entrepreneurs — suddenly they wanted to know who I was and what I was doing.

The concept’s simple, really: When you’re doing something interesting and unique, something that’s truly you, when you’re infused with energy and passion and life, people become intrigued. People want to get to know you.

And that’s the goal of networking, right? Developing your own brand is simply coming at it from a different angle.

Everybody — yes, everybody — should take the time to discover and build their own brand of awesomesauce.

2. Stop caring about results and start caring about relationships

You know what’s complete bullsh*t? Trying to “befriend” someone for the sake of getting something from him or her. That’s what.

Instead of making connections because you want something from that person, ask yourself one question: What can I truly give to this person?

When I started “non-networking,” I sought out people I found interesting, those whose beliefs and values were in line with my own. Then I asked myself what I might be able to offer them.

If I had an idea for their project or heard about something they might be interested in, I’d let them know. If I thought that what they were doing was awesome, I’d tell them. If I thought of any way I could add value, I’d offer it.

More importantly, though, I quickly realized that the best thing I could offer anybody — regardless of who they were — was a genuine interest and appreciation for the person they really are. No fake bullsh*t, just genuine regard for the inherent value within them.

Give it a try. Shift your question from, “What can I get from this person?” to “Who is this person at his or her core, and how can I best appreciate this person for exactly who (s)he is?”

In many cases, the friendship, the connection, the relationship, is worth more than what you might’ve asked for anyhow. The relationship is the reward.

And yet I often find myself in a state of grateful awe for what I do end up receiving in return: wisdom beyond my years, true friendship and connection and understanding, and the confidence to know that, dammit, maybe I’m not just a nobody. Maybe I really do have something special. As corny as it sounds, when amazing people believe in me, I believe in myself.

It’s more than I ever could have asked for — without ever having asked for anything at all.

Therese Schwenkler is passionate about bringing more & better direction to today’s generation. Get more from Therese at her blog, The Unlost.

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The post Why Your Networking Sucks — And the Secret to Doing it Right appeared first on Brazen Life.

Dubbed “shoulditis” by medical professionals, this condition is not a joke. Nearly 90 percent of cases have been found to result in severe and sometimes fatal damage to one’s inborn potential, ultimately leading to the slow and silent death of, well, the soul.

If you experience any of the following warning signs, seek help immediately:

• The compulsive and incessant feeling that you should have it all figured out, despite the confusion swirling around in your head
• The persistent sense that you should follow a certain predefined path, for example,  law school, business school, climbing the corporate ladder, etc.
• Sudden and unexplained disorientation upon arrival to said classroom, cubicle or office; constant feeling of “WTF am I doing here?!”
• The feeling that you are walking (or are expected to walk) someone else’s path rather than your own
• Sense of dread regarding THE REST OF YOUR FREAKING LIFE
• Nausea, vomiting, throwing up within the mouth

The cause of shoulditis is not completely known, but it is believed to originate from a combination of the following factors:

• Pressure (whether real or perceived) from parents, friends and society to appear as though you have it all figured out
• The need to prove that you are not, in fact, an aimless and wandering blob-of-a-loser
• The (completely laughable) notion that everyone else has their crap together

So what’s the treatment?

Most patients choose to treat their shoulditis with a daily dose of prescription Suckitup ® 20 mg, which works by inhibiting the brain’s natural ability to question. This results in a newfound ability to become accustomed to, and even superficially happy with the daily grind.

Suckitup works quickly and effectively, allowing you to live a normal life immediately without the compulsion to ask all those pesky questions like “Who am I?” and “What should I do with my life?”

However, the drug does not cure the underlying condition and has several known side effects, including:

• Leading a life of quiet desperation
• The slow and silent killing of the soul
• Occasional diarrhea

Patients sometimes have trouble swallowing Suckitup or cannot tolerate the side effects, preferring instead to treat the condition with alternative methods. Contrary to popular belief, a myriad of alternative treatments do exist — but only you can decide which one is right for you.

Options include, but are not limited to:

• Traveling the world, asking questions, exploring options and allowing yourself “not to know” for awhile
• Ditching the well-worn path for the path that speaks to your soul, even if it means sacrificing societal norms or secure paychecks or parental approval
• Seeking a mentor or coach who can help you figure out how to forge that unbeaten path
• Starting your own business or project or initiative
• Pursuing your passion or a side gig alongside a traditional career

Suckitup is not the only answer, and don’t make the mistake of thinking it is. Your soul depends on it.

Therese Schwenkler writes for the young & confused at theunlost.com, proving that good advice doesn’t have to be boring or uncool. Battling shoulditis? Click here for the free guide to SAVING YOUR FREAKING SOUL.

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The post Warning: 1 in 3 Professionals Suffers from this Career-Related Condition appeared first on Brazen Life.